Apparently, people miss me? Oh, and I am famous...or something...

I was walking through the Engineering halls today, just dropping off payment for my parking ticket (I tend to get a lot of them) and I ran into one of my friends I have not seen in quite a while. We stopped and chit chatted for about 30 mins and she told me that she really missed me and that I have to come out to events next term.

So, this was really nice for me. I think I tend to distance myself from people and things and I forget how much I actually enjoy to be around them. The reason why I was told I need to go out for events is because tonight was pot luck (bring your own food for everyone to share at the Engineering Society meeting) and I was going to miss it. I didn't realize that people enjoy my company that much.

And, in other news, I am featured in Engineering Dimensions, the PEO magazine, in an article for the November/December issue. The article is on page 19 and 21 and is called "PEO forging new links with Engineering Students" and I actually got cited in the article!!! I was a little excited by this. It's weird to see me in a magazine and to be cited in the magazine is even stranger. I mean, I guess I never thought I would be good enough to be quoted? I don't know.

So, with all of the cruddiness that is swirling about, I guess I just have to remember the happy things that are so easy to forget. There are two more happy events in the future: Christmas and Tom is home. Time is starting to go fast, and I am really starting to like this.

4 MORE DAYS OF CLASSES!!

So Tired I am MAKING myself SICK!!

In all honesty right now, I feel like "the dog's breakfast." And, yes, I stole that from the grandparents. I am to the point now that I am so incredibly overtired and so exhausted that it is making me feel ill. And not just any old ill, I am consistently nauseous and my head is dizzy. Or I feel like I am spinning around the room as I am writing this.

Effectively, one would recommend sleep to remedy this. However, since I have not been getting this thing everyone calls "sleep," I am slowly starting to fail. And I don't mean classes, but I mean concentration-wise and conversation-wise and all of that stuff. So, it is hard for me to type this, as I am to the point, I have no idea what I am saying by the time I finish the sentence. So, fun stuff.

Oh, and I think I am reacting to my CT Bone scan. They injected me with radiation, and now my arm with the injection in it is killing me, I am getting chest pains, my bones are aching, it hurts when I type, walk, do anything, I can't keep food down because of the nausea and I have had a migraine for 3 days. I googled the scan, and it said that there are no side effects but with how I am feeling, I am not sure. After the test, my Crohn's went nuts! Attack after attack after attack, and then once that was done, my chest started to tighten. So, the predicament is do I go to health services and get them to tell me I am crazy once again because I feel symptoms. I am "oversensitive" and I tell them I have a weakend immune system, so this stuff really knocks me out....well, I guess I will see how I am feeling tomorrow. The trend lately is that I am getting worse, so we shall see how it goes. And now, changing to something happier, like the future.

I am almost done this thing they call school and I will be off to the wonderful world of work. That makes me excited because I am going to begin a new chapter in my life. And this new chapter fully includes Thomas, yay!, as well as all of the other dreams that I have been thinking about over the years (dogs, gardens, vacations, etc...). The Tom and Chrissy life plan will be revving into 6th gear (that car reference was purely for Tom....).

But, I have to get my head into reality and I have to focus on what I have at hand: nausea and stress and dizziness...not as much fun, I can vouch for this! In sadder news, Tom knew the Cpl that died in Afghanistan. He was in the control office the morning before he was killed. Tom talked to him that morning, so I think this is hitting him a little hard. The WO had just gotten back from Canada and from visiting his family.

Man, if that was Tom, I don't know what I would do. I think freak out!!! Or die a little myself.

I feel so much sympathy for those families and my thoughts are with them. I think when something like this happens, it levels you and grounds you and makes you realize that your problems really are not that bad. But then people tell me what I have to go through is bad.

I guess it is all relative.

Tom is cute, and this is my newsflash!

Tom and I like to entertain each other. Because we are separated by a great distance (he is actually almost 1/2 way around the world), all entertaining is done by email or by mail packages. One thing we tend to do is send pictures to each other to give that little burst of happiness via email. I usually send him pictures of silly things that I do, or funny activities that I have participated in over the time that he has been gone. I get treated to pictures from Tom doing Afghanistan stuff, or just being cute in general. And, as you can see from his picture, he is being extremely cute and I love when I get pictures of him.

Tom and I have officially started the countdown until he is back. It is pretty much 77 days until he is back here. I think the day that he is back in Canada is the 13th of February. I am really excited because he will be here for my birthday, Iron ring day and for reading week. I am also excited because Tom and my dad will be there for the Iron ring, so that is pretty cool, methinks.

I am also getting excited because we are going to have a "Christmas in February" celebration for Tom when he comes back in Feb. I am super excited for this. I get to make invitations for everyone to come and we are going to go all out!! Well, as all out as one can go, but there will be decorations and Christmas smells and a little tree and everything. The plan is to get a chalet in tremblant and have a wonderful weekend. Yay! It will be a weekend of family and fun. So, I am really looking forward to this.

I am really excited and I cannot wait for when Tom is back. Then it is back to normal, sort of! And then Tom and I can entertain each other until we drive one another crazy!

Ugh (That's all I've got)....

I love how I give up so easily. To my dismay and utter disappointment, the jobs that I was applying for at Chalk River are now taken down and, therefore, by extrapolation, are filled. So that means that I did not get them and I am sucking majorly at the moment.

I guess it is a big blow to the gut and ego. So, this is something that I have to deal with. Really, the thing that is freaking me out the most is that I need a job to pay for my medication. I need the medication, so I need the job and money to pay for it. There is no real floating time for me. I have to make sure that I have something lined up, or else.

So I guess that is why I am freaking out. I need that stability because without it I freak out.

Yuck.

And that's that.

Uneasy Angst

There is this weird, uneasy feeling that I am currently experiencing. And I am not too sure where it is coming from or what it is, but I can sense this weird karma unbalance. So all of you reading this, be warned!!

I also think that there is a little stress in my life at the moment, so that could be part of it. The whole "2.5 weeks left of class and too much to do" is starting to take it's toll, methinks. I am also beginning to become concerned about my 4th year project, as well as an individual research project that I am doing. The project is moving along quite well, I am getting my ASPEN models in order, so that our group can start to optimize them for what we are doing, but for my individual, that is another question. I will have to work my butt off to get all of the papers read that I need to. It is neat because it is dealing with micromass transfer in mediums under pressure and corrosive conditions. I can take this and run with it, I think. It is also really good because the microtransfer can be related to body systems and to what I am trying to get a job in up at Chalk River. So, I hope that it pans out. The problem I am having is that now I have picked up this project, so I need to change my electives around, and I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what I want to take. I am going to chalk this up to another stressor.

I guess these are times when Tom and all of his wonderfulness would calm me down. *Le Sigh*

And a lot of weird things have been going down at school. People getting in fights, breaking up with long time girlfriends....the works. So, I am not sure what is in the air, or water, or food at the Engineering C&D (our little cafe where we get discounted food), but something is amiss. Hence the uneasiness.

I am going to keep this under the random file and not to try and find a clustering illusion our of this (thank you Philosophy 145). I think that this will all blow over. At least it better, because things can't get too much worse.

Afghanistan makes me think of the Moon, or Earth after extreme global warming has set in.

I was so happy to receive more pictures from Tom. As per normal, they have a subjective beauty about them.

I think the reason that they are so beautiful is because they are so foreign. In most of the pictures, there is just grey rocks and dirt piled in corners and swirling in the air. I think that is why they are so beautiful. These are images that are so far removed from anything in Canada that they draw you in. If you CLICK on the pictures, it will show you a larger one. I would suggest this, so you can see the full detail of each picture. Please enjoy!


Looking at the scenery. As I said and as Tom has said multiple times, it is almost moon-like in appearance.


Looking out at the hills of Afghanistan. To me, it looks like a giant quarry with no trees or green in sight.


A small town and a little bit of green amongst the brown-grey backdrop.


CAMELS!! And their herder far away in the picture.


How the locals get around in Afghanistan. This is on one of the main highways.


The cutest soldier over there. I love this picture because you can see the road in the reflection of Tom's glasses.


Traveling through the streets of Kandahar. As you can see, it is quite tight and hard to maneuver through the streets.

I hope that you enjoy the pictures. I think that they are very beautiful and I am glad that Tom shared them for all of us to enjoy. Some of the pictures seem like they could only be made on a Hollywood movie screen. At least, that is how I am relating to them because of their foreign nature.

It's neat that Tom is experiencing this, as I think it is a once in a lifetime experience. And, I think, in some small way, he is making a difference.

Post-"Tom"actic stress made me do it!

Yes, I realize that the title is very corny, but it does relate to the whole "me becoming professional" thing.

I was tired of going into rooms and conferences and seminars with people that I did not know and have to break the barrier of being a blonde. That is, I would have to dispel the insinuation that I was a stupid barbie who could be an office assistant instead of an Engineer. So, to stop it before it occurs, I went to the extreme and darkened my hair to a brown!!

Why is this so big? Well, my hair is a dirty blonde. So that means that I have darkened it significantly. In fact, I have never made my hair this dark before. Also, I am extremely disappointed with most people who feel that they have to lighten their hair to get attention, or to get noticed. What I mean is females who are obviously not close to being blonde, demonstrated by the blackness of their eyebrows, are dying their gorgeous dark hair to blonde in order to stand out, or to be different, or to gain confidence....etc. The sad thing about this is that you stand out as someone who is not happy with your look and that you don't have enough confidence to embrace the natural colour of your hair and work it. You have to be like all of the Playboy Bunnies and become blond so that you are accepted into society by males. I know that this is extremely biased and that not all males are like this, but I am becoming increasingly concerned with females who are changing their exterior appearance to become accepted and to gain that feeling of confidence.

So, this is my going against the grain angst. I did not get low lights to make me dark. Like so many women who dye to become blond, I have dyed to become brown. And I like it. It's darker than my natural, so I have to colour in my eyebrows to make it work. But I want to show women that you don't need to be blonde to make it. And, as strange as it sounds, some of the girls I have talked to are listening. They are throwing off the "chains of the peroxide nation," so to speak. I know that once the dye comes out, I will be back to the normal colour that I have: blonde. The thing is, if I can inspire women to just be themselves, than I am happy. I realize that me changing my colour is me not being me, but I think it takes one person to go against the grain to get people to snap out of the societal norms. And from what I have seen, I think that this may be successful.

I think that we as women need to be true to us. And to me, it is just hair. People have asked how could I do this. Well, it is hair and it will grow and it can be cut again and changed. It's just hair. I think that has resonated with some people, and my hopes are that they will give up the facade of the blonde and be dark. You are only dark for the first part of your life, then everyone goes blonde because of the grey. So, I say embrace it!

And finally, I think this came on because before Tom left, he kept talking about how I should try making my dark blonde hair into really light blonde hair, almost a platinum. And see, I did the opposite. Which, of course, is something I usually do. I think I did it because going blonder when you are young is what everyone does to fit in and be sexy and hot and bombshellish. No thanks. I choose brains and confidence. Hence why I decided to make the statement. I feel that there are too many Paris Hilton's in society, so I am trying to reset the balance.

Enjoy the pics!!

Tom est gone = back to reality

Back to the heavy work loads, the school thing, the learning thing, the alone thing....this is what I am feeling at the moment.

I currently have 1 month left of school, so I have to get my self together here and get going. I am definitely beginning to feel the stress. But the good news is that I only have 5 months total left of university. And THAT makes me REALLY happy!!!! Then Tom and I can get on with the rest of our lovely lives. Tres Bon!

The best part about Tom's visit was that he was here. I think that was the best part. Sure we did things....toured around here and visited there....but the best part was having him here and having the human contact. That is something that I loved the most about the entire visit. And now it is back to lonely, critical, grouchy old me.....le sigh.....

Another thing I am currently doing at the moment is applying for jobs. Boooo, not the coolest thing in the world. I really do not enjoy it. I would rather be doing killer partial derivatives than making a resume and applying for jobs. Blech.

Ok, that is that. I am missing Tom and I will most likely be posting more info from him as it comes in.

till then, toodles.